Faint

[LerAn_Ala]

Don't draw others away from their private life.
But
Who'll save me from my deep swamp?
I am
A lonely, lonely guy.
Even with brother today I felt lonely.

I'm not gonna to blame anyone, but it hurts. It really hurts.
To speak honestly, I've lost an opportunity to be annoying.
I am the one and only one to be blamed, because I am too young.
Because of my excitement
I can't even hide
the way I breathe.

What if I just couldn't forget foreign languages? It is impossible not to use them.
What if I just couldn't forget poetry? It's unreasonable to ask me not to think about it.

Even now it hurts me so that I have to hide blood on my lips.
This fair taste of life.
Blood, tears do not differ a lot.
I am not a hero to fight till I die.

Once I was called "salvation",
but
Where is my salvation?

@темы: Больно, everyday fuck

Comments

[oooh... tequila!]

Долго думала, писать ли комментарии к языку. Решила написать...
1. bother - надоедать, беспокоить, докучать, донимать. Я очень неуверена, что возможен предлог from, хотя смысл ясен. Может лучше disturb? Хотя там с предлогом я тоже не уверена.
2. Profound swamp - на мой взгляд, весьма неудачное словосочетание. Хотя ты его, наверное, из какой-нибудь песни взяла или стихов? Если так - спорить не буду.
3. I'm not gonna to blame someone. Тут я сомневаюсь... Но грамматически правильно будет anyone, потому что отрицание. В русском это разница: "я не собираюсь кого-то винить" и "я не собираюсь никого винить". Не знаю насчет английского.
4. Frankly speaking - значение абсолютно прозрачно, но для таких выражений должны быть идиомы. Вот такие: to be honest, to tell the truth.
5. it wounds - никогда не слышала такого выражения. It hurts me - это точно правильно. It wounds - не по-английски. И тут я уверена.
6. This fair taste of life - это неполное предложение. Я бы там поставила многоточие. А вообще, не знаю, возможно ли так говорить. Это не русский.
7. aren't differ a lot - зачем пассивный залог? do not differ a lot. И, вроде бы, всегда употребляется с предлогом from. Опять же, если сказано, что надо употрелять с предлогом - без него неправильно.
8. Salvation - what exactly do you mean? Избавление, спасение? Если "спаситель" - тогда нужно the.

Теперь в общем о форме. Это стихотворение? Если да, тогда мне совершенно не нравится форма. Это чистейшая проза, зачем ее писать вот так?
Don't bother others from their private life.
But
Who'll save me from my profound swamp?
I am
A lonely, lonely guy.
Even with brother today I felt lonely
Как стихи - абсолютно не то. Я не специалист, но мои мозги и чувства отвергают такую форму.

As about content... I can`t even understand some of your thoughts. "Because of my excitement I can't even hide the way I breathe" - Why do you need it? Why do you blame yourself? "Blood, tears aren't differ a lot." - in my opinion, there is no difference, if we think more globally. Have you ever really differ it?
And one more question - what is "lonely"? Can you make a definition for me to clarify? And then it`s possible that I will tell you some unpleasant things.

[LerAn_Ala]

1. You're right, but I think it better to use "draw from".
2. yeah. I'll change it.
3. Here I agree with you.
4. I didn't catch what you want of me.
5. Dictionary!
6. Let it be as I wrote.
7. So, how should I write it?
8. The first ones.

Form: look at the tag, It's not poem nor essay. Just feeling I got today from my brother. He made me like that.

Lonely - to feel alone. I mean - not globally, but locally. At the concrete time and place. I told you once that when we cry "Nobody loves me!" we mean "This guy doesn't love me". Brother told me that I trying to humiliate him by using foreign languages. But I didn't mean to do it! It's just the way I usually behave. I don't know whether he understands it or not, but it made me feel lonely.
Blood and tears differ from each other. Really. You know "tears of happiness" and "tears of sorrow". But where is blood when you are happy? Happiness doesn't need blood. That's the question of state.
I blame myself because I want you, my brother, my family, all of my nakama to be blissful. But what if I hurt some of my beloved pupils by my behavior? It hurts me more then you can imagine. I can't deal with it, after all...

[oooh... tequila!]

4. These words don`t sound like English.
5. See previous point. Is there this particular phrase in the dictionary?
7. do not differ a lot - let it be like this.

Ok. So you mean that you feel lonely when one particular person is not with you - physically or spiritally - no matter. I see... But. Do you understand that you are not lonely, don`t you? - If we think more globally. So, It`s empty words. "I am a lonely, lonely guy". What is the purpose of using these general words, instead of writing "My brother is not with me now" ? I don`t like these generalisations very much.
But, the first assosiation with tears is about pain. "Tears of happiness" is something different... So, when I read this phrase "Blood, tears aren't differ a lot", I was confused.
I see. Unfortunately, I don`t know what to say. You sometimes hurt me with your behavior, and I can`t do nothing with it. I can`t accept this behavior, even it is you. From my point of view - you should change yourself somehow. At the same time I understand that you shouldn`t do it, because you are you. Decision? I am not so clever to deal with it.

[LerAn_Ala]

clever or not - it doesn't matter. For me you are clever and beautiful. That's it.

Generalization is.. It should be here. Even if only one denies you you starting to think that whole world do the same.

[LerAn_Ala]

4. You mean "frankly'?
5. "if someone wounds you, they damage..." and bla-bla-bla. Is it enough?

[oooh... tequila!]

4. I mean "frankly speaking". I am speaking about phrases!!!
5. No... =( Have you ever read or hear somewhere - someone (no matter what is subject) wounds you? I have never, and it seems to be wrong word in this situation.

I feel so stupid when I can`t make a conclusion or decision for problem. And that`s it.=)

[LerAn_Ala]

let's leave 4 and 5.

I'm also can't. And you know that I'm trying to deal with it for a long time. But there is only one result: no way to overcame it. One instead of two. Or nothing at all.